no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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