i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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