Me too!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
