Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
