Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
