anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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