I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
