I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
