she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
