Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
