i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
