We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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