Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
