I'm lost and stupid without you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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