is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize