i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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