PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
