Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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