wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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