The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
