She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
