I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize