i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Actions speak louder than pants.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
