...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
