i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize