I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
