I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
