Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations

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(443): View more from Maryland

booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes

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(719): View more from Colorado

Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.

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