I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
