I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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