Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
