I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
