dude i'm inner monologue high
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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