my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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