That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
