none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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