So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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