You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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