Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
