my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So much rum. So many feels.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
