I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
