she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize