Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
