sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
