Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
