so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
