Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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