they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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