Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love having hate sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize