Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
