God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize