living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
