**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you didnt know i had herpes?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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