As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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