So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
