ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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