there's paper in my vomit.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
