that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
