did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize