I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
