I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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