my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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