There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He passed out mid-signature
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
