go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You need Xanax blowdarts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
