Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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