I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
