Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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