well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
