She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize