Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
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