is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
