I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
