woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize